Moving With Children

Tips for Moving With Children

Moving with children can be an exciting adventure or it can be a stressful challenge. No matter how experienced your family is at moving, every move brings its own situations -- and plenty of families come back afterward saying the experience actually brought them closer together.

Confusion and disorder are what turn a move difficult, and they take a toll physically and mentally. If the move is driven by a death in the family, a divorce or a job loss, there is an added element of grief that makes it harder to plan and organize. When children are part of the move, it helps to be aware of the chaos, the short patience and the divided attention they may pick up from us. A successful move with children includes them, whatever the circumstances.

This guide is about the practical side, age by age. If you are more concerned with the emotional side of it -- what to watch for and how children process the change -- see how moving can affect children.

Infant / Toddler

Generally this is the easiest stage to move at, since infants and toddlers tend to handle the transition well. In the final weeks they will often pick up on the stress and anxiety around them and can become fussy and demanding. Plan ahead where you can and give yourself extra time to pack, because you will hit more interruptions for child care than you expect. Your child may need more attention than usual and may well demand it through difficult behavior or needy crying.

Consider asking a family member to help with child care, and try packing during nap times or at night while they sleep. Keeping the daily routine as normal as possible matters more at this age than almost anything else. Set aside enough time to play with your child and show affection through the disruption. And put their favorite teddy bear or security blanket firmly in the DO NOT PACK pile.

Preschooler / Kindergartner

This is a good age to move, because children this age tend to show real excitement -- especially when they are involved in some way. They may not fully understand what is happening, so keep the details light. A stable, predictable routine will do the most for their anxiety levels.

Pack their belongings last so they keep their familiar toys and activities to occupy them. When it is finally time, involve them: let them place their own things in the box, write their name on the carton, and unpack it themselves at the new house. You may also need to remind them that the same rules apply in the new home -- no coloring on the walls, no touching the knobs on the stove.

Mid Aged Children

By this age a child understands both loss and discovery, and is often eager to help with the planning. Put that enthusiasm to work: have them make a list in their bedroom of what they would like to donate or throw away, which keeps them busy and productive. They can help in plenty of other ways too -- labeling boxes, taping cartons, carrying items to be packed, or spending time with the family pet.

Once the new location is settled, it is worth taking your child to tour their new school. Point out the familiar landmarks -- the bathrooms, the cafeteria, the library, the gymnasium. A family walk around the new neighborhood helps them get used to the houses and the people, and it is a natural opportunity to point out anything that looks unsafe.

Adjustment Period

Everyone needs time to adjust to new surroundings. Research suggests it can take up to 18 months to fully adapt, and that the most stressful window is roughly two months either side of the move. The adjustment goes more smoothly when the family pulls together as a team and forms a tighter bond.

Keep that teamwork going after you are relocated. The grief and the reality of the loss do not always land right away, and sometimes cause more stress once everyone is settled in. Depending on your child's coping skills -- and whether they are being pushed past them -- short-term counseling is a reasonable thing to consider.

Teens

This is the hardest age to relocate. Teenagers have built real friendships and meaningful social groups, formed bonds with teachers and neighbors, and may be in a romantic relationship. They are mature enough to understand the reasons for the move, but that does not mean they accept it or are emotionally prepared to leave their friends and their standing behind.

Many parents put off telling their teens, hoping the surprise will land easier. It usually does not. Telling them early generally makes the whole thing easier: it gives them time to process the idea and prepare for the loss of their friends. Saying goodbye properly takes time, and many teens want to do something memorable together -- a going-away party with close friends is worth the effort.

Most teens have their social skills well developed and make new friends without much trouble, but even the most social teenager may worry about fitting in or starting over. Before spending money on new school clothes, visit the new school and let them notice the styles there. Beyond that, pay close attention to their feelings and concerns without lecturing or getting defensive. They are experiencing a genuine sense of loss and need parental support -- and with it they are far less likely to show anger, resentment or depression.

Key Strategies for Moving With Children

Frequently Asked Questions